Mouthwatering Accidentally Vegan Food at Mee Marathi in Parle East

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UNTIL LAST YEAR I used to frequent Purepur Kolhapur for spicy Kolhapuri cuisine, but since they have nothing I’ll eat now, I visit a vegetarian restaurant in the same lane for authentic Maharashtrian fare. There’s no way I’m going to write about the nearly 30 (yeah, thirty) accidentally vegan dishes Mee Marathi serves, because I’m fucking lazy and also because I’m yet to try all of them, but I can tell you that the food is clean, nutritious and tasty as hell. Hell, you’ll even get zunka bhakar – the dish the Shiv Sena falsely promised to fill every Mumbaikar’s Bombayite’s stomach with – and it is quite filling, I must say, even though I end up stuffing myself with other stuff all the time. TIP: Don’t order any thali, for it’s sure to have several dairy-based items, and don’t eat pav – it’s not vegan. If you’re in Vile Parle East and looking for reasonably priced vegan food, go to Mee Marathi.

RATING: 3/5

Shop No. 5, Alpha Apartment, Shri Paleshwar Road, Vile Parle East, Mumbai Phone: 02226134636

WARNING: The whisky you’re drinking at Kabeela Bar & Kitchen may not be the one you ordered

Vegan Food in Andheri West: Aadarsh Meals & Tiffin Service

Irate Filmmakers Call The Cops On MNS

Maharashtra Navnirman Sena may have just got a taste of things to come.

MNS workers who barged onto the set of Mahesh Bhatt and Mukesh Bhatt’s upcoming film on the pretext of examining cards of the unit members were stumped when Mahesh Bhatt called Commissioner of Police Arun Patnaik and Home Minister RR Patil.

Mukesh Bhatt & Mahesh Bhatt

Known for being outspoken, Mahesh Bhatt is one of the few people from the Hindi film industry who have not given in to the demands of Shiv Sena and Maharashtra Navnirman Sena, and has got MNS chief Raj Thakeray worked up in the past.

A tabloid quoted Mukesh Bhatt as having said, “The MNS has started interfering in the film industry as if they have the power to do so. They want us to work with their people.”

He added, “Many other film producers have been subjected to harassment of a similar kind. But we shall not bow down to their demands to have their party people employed in the film industry. It’s our choice who we want to work with. Political interference of any kind, in this regard, is simply uncalled for.”

The people of Mumbai have been growing increasingly frustrated with the bullying tactics of MNS and Shiv Sena, and the Bhatts dragging in higher authorities to answer these political parties back sets a great example for others. Good call!

ALSO READ:

Aditya Thakeray’s First Mistake

Old Bal Is Getting Desperate

Aditya Thakeray’s Poem

Book Review: Such A Long Journey

Oh, look! It’s the critically acclaimed novel which became even more famous when someone raised a hue and cry about it without actually reading it! Pulled out of the college syllabus and bookstores across the state of Maharashtra, this book has become much sought after with full credit to the controversy surrounding it.

Such A Long Journey is about how a Parsi man named Gustad Noble is taken on a politically thrilling ride thanks to a letter from his absconding neighbour Jimmy Billimoria.

Rohinton Mistry begins his story with Gustad’s family and their domestic squabbles, occasionally throwing in Parsi/Gujarati words… the cutest one being matloo. For those who don’t know, Parsis (all sixty of them) are a lovable people for several reasons – the main ones being that they almost always sound chirpy, and eating meat and drinking alcohol isn’t a taboo with them.

Gustad has issues with a few things like his son not wanting to go to IIT and people peeing on his building compound’s wall, and these are problems he has no solution to. Set in 1971, Such A Long Journey is about how the dark times India faced during Indira Gandhi’s term as the Prime Minister affect the Noble family.

Anyway, let’s cut all this out and get to what you’re reading this review for – here’s a sampler:

‘Believe me,’ said Dinshawji, ‘she is a shrewd woman, these are vote-getting tactics. Showing the poor she is on their side. Saali always up to some mischief. Remember when her pappy was Prime Minister and he made her president of Congress Party? At once she began encouraging the demands for a separate Maharashtra. How much bloodshed, how much rioting she caused. And today we have that bloody Shiv Sena, wanting to make the rest of us into second-class citizens. Don’t forget, she started it all by supporting the racist buggers.’

Rohinton Mistry throws in humour that makes you laugh aloud; Gustad and his Parsi colleagues cracking jokes about every community including their own – the laughter it evokes is truly something that would make people divided by religion come closer. At some point, a man they’ve nicknamed ‘Goover-Ni-Gaan’ is brought up, and I just can’t get over it.

Here’s another attack on the Shiv Sena:

‘It’s the time of dubbawallas. They are supposed to use only the luggage van, but some got in the passenger compartments. Jam-packed, and what a smell of sweat. Toba, toba! I began to feel something wet on my shirt. And guess what it was. A dubbawalla. Standing over me, holding the railing. It was falling from his naked armpit: tapuck-tapuck-tapuck, his sweat. I said nicely, “Please move a little, my shirt is wetting, meherbani.” But no kothaa, as if I was not there. Then my brain really went. I shouted, “You! Are you animal or human, look what you are doing!” I got up to show him the wet. And guess what he did. Just take a guess.’

‘What?’

‘He turned and slipped into my seat! Insult to injury! What to do with such low-class people? No manners, no sense, nothing. And you know who is responsible for this attitude—that bastard Shiv Sena leader who worships Hitler and Mussolini. He and his “Maharashtra for Maharashtrians” nonsense. They won’t stop till they have complete Maratha Raj.’

Call it funny or sad, but these words ring true even today. As loud as back then. The anger every community that is considered a minority or happens to be non-Maharashtrian feels comes alive in the words of Gustad Noble’s friend Dinshawji. It is something everybody closely associated with Bombay feels, and it definitely should make at least some sense to the literate ghatis (all eighteen of them).

Here’s one more:

‘Wait till the Marathas take over, then we will have real Gandoo Raj,’ said Dinshawji. ‘All they know is to have rallies at Shivaji Park, shout slogans, make threats, and change road names.’ He suddenly worked himself into a real rage; there was genuine grief in his soul. ‘Why change the names? Saala sisterfuckers! Hutatma Chowk!’ He spat out the words disgustedly. ‘What is wrong with Flora Fountain?’

‘Why worry about it? I say, if it keeps the Marathas happy, give them a few roads to rename. Keep them occupied. What’s in a name?’

‘No, Gustad.’ Dinshawji was very serious. ‘You are wrong. Names are so important. I grew up on Lamington Road. But it has disappeared, in its place is Dadasaheb Bhadkhamkar Marg. My school was on Carnac Road. Now suddenly it’s on Lokmanya Tilak Marg. I live at Sleater Road. Soon that will also disappear. My whole life I have come to work at Flora Fountain. And one fine day the name changes. So what happens to the life I have lived? Was I living the wrong life, with all the wrong names? Will I get a second chance to live it all again, with these new names? Tell me what happens to my life. Rubbed out, just like that? Tell me!’

That he started off by following his fascist family’s footsteps when he could’ve begun by rectifying several of their wrongs might be Aditya Thakeray’s biggest mistake, and it should be his greatest regret.

Such A Long Journey is a book every Mumbaikar Bombayite should read.

The Sucker Punch Review

Rudra – The Idea Of Shiva Review

Gandhi’s Experiments And Hitler’s Struggle

Bharat Bandh – India’s Pollution-Free Holiday

I didn’t know the country could be brought to a halt, but it sure was a great holiday.  When was the last time S V Road looked like this?

There were enough cops around all day on Monday, and Mumbai came back to life by evening. How about a bandh every Monday and Wednesday?

Bharat Bandh: A national holiday without any kind of pollution.

Beer Review: Bombay

Not one to bother with ‘strong beer’, but one wouldn’t miss a chance to taste a brew called “Bombay”. Despite having tried the terrible drink called “Bombay Pilsner” years ago, there is always hope when one hears of a beer called “Bombay”, strong or not. That hope is crushed as the first sip of “Bombay” presents itself as pathetically sweet as every other Indian strong beer one has made the mistake of trying. Then is when you forget about the IPL match you’re watching, and call for a bottle of trusted mild beer to wash away the bad taste, and wonder where the Shiv Sena and Maharashtra Navnirman Sena are when they’re really needed. Aamchi Mumbai just this once, excuse the flash.

Movie Review: My Name Is Khan

By Saurin Parikh

Indian filmmakers have a penchant – they tend to invariably ruin a movie by having a dumbass melodramatic climax. I don’t know why, but every filmmaker thinks that the Indian audience loves drama, and for a major part, they’re right too. Our aam janta laps up melodrama faster than Virendra Sehwag laps up milk. Be it in on TV or in our films, the more the drama, the more the eyeballs. And in achieving that, if a film is ruined, who cares, right?

Right now, I’m sure the producers and distributors of My Name Is Khan are laughing all the way to the bank. I still believe that the whole tamasha with Shiv Sena was nothing else but a publicity stunt. It achieved what every filmmaker wants – packed houses, especially in the opening weekend. After all the hullaballoo over whether My Name Is Khan would release or not, it finally did (of course) and people went rushing out to buy tickets. I did too, all giddy with excitement when I had the tickets in my hand, and seething with annoyance right now after having watching a just-about-average-highly-disappointing movie.

Firstly, the climax. A hurricane, none the less, engulfs certain parts of America. Rizwan Khan (SRK) has some friends supposedly trapped in a town that has been destroyed by this hurricane. Khan, who is out on a cross country trip to meet the President, somehow reaches that town even before any of the US authorities can. The people of the town can’t get out, but Khan can get in. Why? Obviously because his name is Khan. This heroic act by our superhero leads a nationwide movement wherein citizens are rebuilding cities and towns while the government sits back and does nothing. I think while writing and filming the climax, Karan Johar forgot that his film was based in America, and not India. Government authorities in USA don’t sleep, they’ll reach the needy before any Khan, Kahn, Khandekar or Khanna can.

The question then arises is whether the story required that amount of allowance? The answer is that it doesn’t matter because the story is nothing special anyway. You’ve seen pro-Muslim stories more times than you can count in the last couple of years; it’s the same post-9/11 thing again. The difference being that the protagonist here has Asperger Syndrome. Would it have mattered if he was a plain simple lunatic without a fancy syndrome attached to him? NO.

My Name Is Khan is a pendulum which swings between trying to be a movie about someone with Asperger Syndrome and the effects 9/11 had on Muslims. It excels at neither. If you applauded Amitabh Bachchan for his Progeria act in Paa then you’ll applaud SRK for his Asperger act. It’s definitely not his best performance (as is told to us by all and sundry in the mainstream media) nor is it enough to draw you back to the movie one more time.

Thanks to the publicity stunts and the first weekend booking collections, My Name Is Khan will be declared a superhit. It might break all erstwhile records, but I’m dead sure that most people will label it as an ordinary flick. By the way, it gave my dad a headache; he used the choicest cuss words for SRK’s ‘irritating act’.

Sometime back, I had tweeted that Bollywood spends more time on publicizing the movie then on crafting it. The same holds true for My Name Is Khan. Don’t even think of arguing against this review if you belong to the masses, and if you’re someone from the classes then don’t go for the movie if you already haven’t. Mediocrity has been shoved down our throats more often than not, the masses accept it because they’re used to it by now, I’ll just spit it out right here.

My Rating: 2 stars, both for Kajol who is the only redeeming factor of My Name Is Khan and lights up the screen with her presence.

Protected: Old Bal Is Getting Desperate

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Political Cartoons

Dec 15, 2008

Reading about Ajmal Amir Qasab begging to be allowed to write to his family cracked me up. That he feels like eating meat makes me laugh even harder. And just when you think it cannot get funnier, along comes a bunch of saffron-clad illiterates to threaten defense lawyers against fighting the fellow’s case.

It’s no secret that besides trying to frighten citizens and making a whole lot of noise in their mother tongue, these guys do little else. As has always been their way of going about things.

Which makes me come up with two fun ideas.

Footage of the torture Qasab undergoes should be aired on telecast internationally. Watching him cry and feel like shit would make people feel real good, I think. To see him executed in public would’ve been entertaining, but unfortunately, we are gluttons for punishment. If we stand for bullshit like turning the other cheek, we deserve every slap we get. But we won’t be angry enough till a burkha-clad suicide bomber comes this way and blows some of us up, yeah?

Another awesome thing to do would be to laugh at all these hooligan politicians every time they start to open their mouth. Getting provoked is pointless if there isn’t going to be a retaliation. That our race thrives on stupidity is something I will enlighten you about in another post, maybe next year. So instead of gathering at The Gateway Of India to check out chicks, we should join a billion hands (and other body parts if required) and let these political leaders know they will not be voted into power. We can tell them that even if we don’t mean it, just to see the fun.

Pakistan is making an ass of itself, and that’s a real shame because they’ve always had an strong, aggressive cricket team. Whatever, cricket sucks and more on that later.

We don’t have whatever it takes to laugh in the face of our political cartoons and let them know they’re incredibly stupid, so we end up looking like a bunch of jokers when we criticise another country, no matter what it has done.

Maybe someone should let the Shiv Sena know Ajmal Amir Qasab will not be hanged unless he is tried first. I’d give in writing but unfortunately for them, I don’t know Marathi and they don’t know any better. Buzz off!

Coming soon…Illustrated Weakly

Posted by Aditya Mehta |  { 3 } Comments

[From my Buzz18 blog ‘Lashkar-E-Shaitan’]

Also Read: The Greater Of Two Evils