The sexiest VJ of my generation, Sophiya Haque had animalistic sex appeal. She was raw, sexy as hell and a bloody good VJ. The only gym she ever probably heard of was Morrison, and that makes her sexier than any chick who has to try to look hot. This world and my life have lost a lot of hotness today.
Mohit Suri has got to be shitting me. I was discovering the pleasure of holding someone else’s hand when Murder came out, and now the sequel’s here. A pretty twisted one it is. No relation to the first part except the killer sings one of the songs from Murder every now and then. Oh yes, baby, here’s the story: A pimp is worried because a bunch of hookers from his catalogue have gone missing, so he calls upon the services of an ex-cop (Emraan Hashmi) who’s in everything for the money when he’s not fucking his model girlfriend Jacqueline Fernandez. Is she his mohabbat or his zaroorat, she asks, to which he replies that she is his aadat. Where the hell was this guy when I needed lessons?
So now a whole lot of sluts have gone missing, but it’s not hard for Emraan to figure what’s going on. He must be overjoyed Mallika Sherawat isn’t in Murder 2 smiling like a whore about to get paid. Well, forget about that cunt, and not because Jackie Fernandez is too fuckin’ sexy, but because the bad guy is aiming straight for the ‘villain of the year’ award on this blog. Can’t even call him a bad guy, because Prashant Narayanan, in splendid form, used to be a man who was very horny all the time and got himself castrated to remove the root of his problems, and now butchers women – sluts, angels, anything with a pussy – for fun. A psychopathic, crossdressing, makeup-loving hijra who casually confesses to the police that he chops women up but doesn’t tell them that he throws the corpses in a well behind his house, and then goes on to hack a fellow eunuch, a priest and a wannabe hooker inside a fucking temple? Hindi cinema has finally come of age.
RATING: 3.5/5
Fuck Off Nowadays Imposters
As if there aren’t enough fake Aditya Mehtas doing the rounds, now there’s an Alok Mehta who has a blog called Mehta Kya Kehata. Excuse the spelling, it’s as crappy as his blog. Get original, you losers.
Click here to take a look at the shitty content on his blog and Alok’s stupid face.
Make no mistake, there’s only one Mehta Kya Kehta? and only one Aditya Mehta…the one in the pic here.
I have lost everything but my virginity.
Blurted this out sometime in 2005. It obviously doesn’t hold true anymore, I’m a complete loser now.
ALSO READ: The Quoted Tongue
Bollywood actress Kareena Kapoor who turned vegetarian after hooking up with Shahid Kapoor a few years ago may not be a vegetarian after all. It seems to be trendy to go off meat, and vegetarianism has been in fashion for more than a decade now.
While I don’t believe Bebo is still a vegetarian, let’s give her the benefit of doubt.
In an article in Bombay Times, Kareena was quoted as saying “I’m dying to get into my fur coat.” This is when she was quizzed about holidaying abroad with her latest beau Saif Ali Khan.
Now Kareena might have turned vegetarian for reasons related to health and not necessarily ethics, but it’s absurd to give someone who’s dying to get into a fur coat the “Sexiest Vegetarian Alive” title.
SPECIAL: Sexy Priyanka Chopra VS Ugly Kareena Kapoor
KHAN EXCLUSIVE: Salman, Shahrukh and Aamir together
Some awesome things have happened in 2008, and it has been the best year of my life so far. Here’s a summary of the unbelievably cool stuff that’s been going on with me.
First of all, I had a massive break-up just before 2008 began. Even though I wept like a pussy I didn’t forego the annual trip I make to Goa every January in Anjuna. I licked a transparent drop off the back of my right palm, understood everything about myself and the universe through hallucinations and came back to whatever was left of my senses and Bombay, only to return to Goa in June. This time, it was to meet a cool hot chick with whom I danced to some trance music outside Curlie’s at Anjuna beach.
Oh, the first thing I should’ve boasted about is my death metal band Exhumation winning Unchained ’08… on February 29, that too. My share of the prize money made it slightly easier for me to fly to Bangalore to witness thrash metal legends Megadeth in action.
Also attended a couple of fashion shows and spent most of that time at the free-booze bar validating whisky cocktails. A cop took advantage of my being drunk and handed me someone else’s license after stopping me at a check-point.
Then I went to Rajasthan for a month with my best friend who is now my girlfriend also. We went to Pushkar and some beautiful remote villages located deep inside the state using a useless bike. In Pushkar, I was accosted by a pandit who started telling me about the place without my having asked for his bullshit information. Y P Pandit asked to see my hand and started chanting something. Now I find these religious sales tactics a tad silly and decided to have some fun at what should have been my expense and laughed aloud when he said I owed him 1100 bucks. What a sucker of a priest, trying to squeeze money out of me!
Over the next two days, the semi-clad pandit always managed to spot me in the crowded market and if it weren’t for his stupid grin I might have been polite to him. Still breathing just to hear that I am a Satanist, asshole? But my Bombay Hindi did the trick before that. A firm ‘Dimaag mat chaat‘ (don’t lick my mind) made him back off for good, the stupid grin still plastered across his greedy face, while I proceeded with my guitar to jam with a bald British flautist on the hotel lawn overlooking the Brahmasarovar.
On returning to Bombay, I landed the coolest job on the planet thanks to my shoelaces which were untied. I watch movies and listen to music albums and write my ruthless opinions about them. I get to praise Metallica, Guns N’ Roses and Ram Gopal Varma as much as I want and also make fun of ridiculous celebrity statements with a good amount of enthusiasm.
Oh yes, check out the irony. I’m the only Satanist on Earth who uploads Christmas carols and makes slideshows on movies to watch during this cheery festive season. Most of my friends are thoroughly amused so you too are allowed to laugh… just this once. Buzz off!
Coming soon…Not too much, though – and don’t show your teeth
MINDBLOWING DISCLAIMER
The biased views expressed in this awesome blog belong to none other than me. Who else would they belong to, jackass? My kickass opinions are NOT endorsed by my employers or organisation, mainly because no one agrees with me. Also, this blog may contain explicit language not suitable for retards.
Mehta Kya Kehta? 