Posts Tagged ‘varg vikernes
No, don’t be upset, it’s just six months!
Fuck knows who takes Varg Vikernes’ racist bullshit seriously, except his own silly ‘race’ that can’t stop applauding its own ‘superiority’. As a Burzum fan, I say the old chap deserves those six months in prison just for making The Ways Of Yore. A fucking moron on LSD could make a better album hitting random notes, and I don’t know shit about European folklore/mythology or how to play a keyboard. It isn’t very nice to incite hate against Jews even if they’re Gujjus, and for what he said about Muslims and Islam, a fatwa would be apposite, as surprise beheadings are losing their
Yes, just sit back and compose Belus II.
charm faster than Mumbai metal bands desperately playing every gig they can bag. Back to my point – jail has done Count Grishnackh a lot of good – I’m one of those who think understand Belus is Burzum at its peak, and that Kristian ‘Varg’ Vikernes perfected Black Metal with that album. Fallen deserves countless flying kisses too, and that’s why I’m saying the wolf needs to be caged. Get angry, Varg, be very angry and let the hatred build up. Toss that keyboard out or just put the cover back on it for a little while… some of us from the “inferior races” are thirsting for new sounds of purity.
Take it from a fanboy: Burzum‘s new album fucking sucks. Those four listens gave me a headache that still hasn’t left and the only nice thing to say about The Ways Of Yore is that it might be slightly less torturous than the Bollywood movie Humshakals. The difference between the two is easily guessable: the Hindi film will jar your senses and this ambient piece of shit will 
numb them, but not in a good way like alcohol does. Earlier this year Varg Vikernes was reading reviews of his music on the internet but was distracted and flattered by all those memes floating around and that put him in a happy mood. He sent the guitar flying out of the window and it landed on a cop who’d come to question Varg about his only interesting blog post, How to Make a Laxmi Bomb. Looking out of the window as if he could see the fucking future, the old boy realized rabbits are super cute and aren’t meant to be eaten, and brought out a dusty keyboard to compose an album that would end Anu Malik’s glittering career, and by god, he did it. With tunes lamer than AR Rahman’s AirTel ad and awful singing that would make Odin cancel his return, the bored bard did it. On the right is Shakti Kapoor at the album launch party, decked up for the occasion.
RATING: 1/5
If you’ve been wondering which musicians represent manliness, stop right now! Here are five real men from the rock and metal world who are great examples of alpha-male attitude, behaviour and outlook. Manliness is not just about being successful – it’s about climbing uphill when drained of all energy, swimming against the tide in the arctic cold, and laughing in the face of adversity and making it feel dumb. It’s about fighting all the odds and coming out stronger. Take a look at this list of alpha males and learn the law!
DAVE GROHL
Of course he had to top this list. Did anyone really expect Dave Grohl to do anything of much value after Nirvana? Sure we all love Kurt Cobain, but the singer/guitarist of Nirvana chose the easy way out. The bassist of the grunge super-band was around for a while and probably still is. It was the drummer who chose the rocky path. We’ve all heard Kurt sing Neil Young’s immortal line “I’d rather burn out than fade away”, and we’ve all seen Dave live that line. When Grohl started Foo Fighters, how many of us could have guessed he’d come this far? We thought that it was so nice that the drummer of Nirvana had started a band and that it’d be nice and all. Nice? It’s fucking Foo Fighters, bitch. When the video for Monkey Wrench came on, Dave Grohl spat in our faces. He didn’t need our sympathy or any shit of that sort; he came out from behind the drum kit and picked up a guitar and screamed his head off till our ears rang and we understood he meant business. Dave Grohl is a real man, and he’s manlier than the metal dudes that follow him on this manly list of alphas. MAN.
LEMMY KILMISTER
Surely you don’t need me to tell you about this gent? Ian ‘Lemmy’ Kilmister was chucked out of Hawkwind, that legendary psychedelic rock band most of you have not even heard of. We should all sent bouquets of the costliest flowers to Hawkwind and their crew and their groupies, because it was after this ouster that Lemmy decided to form a band so dirty if they moved in next door to us, our lawn would die. See, the thing is, in Mumbai, space is so costly that a small room is worth more than the lives of the three guys in Green Day; it’s so costly that Lady Gaga will have to settle for a bathtub if she wants a pool, so there are only four houses in the city that have their own lawn. Okay, let’s not change the topic – Lemmy is the rock star of rock stars. He is a true legend. A living phenomenon who smokes, drinks and does drugs to this day (what do you expect from the frontman of a band called Motorhead?). He also has sex with everything. If there was a God, it would be trying very hard to become Lemmy, the man who sang “I’m everything they say I am.” MAN.
VARG VIKERNES
This is turning out to be a real drag, y’know? I’ve already spoken about my heroes so many times that this is just plain overkill. For those who don’t know anything about the greatest black-metal musician in the world: Varg Vikernes (born Kristian Vikernes) is the sole member of Burzum – the best black metal band ever. He was in jail for many years for burning down a church and murdering another black-metal musician. All the fans of black metal who considered themselves elite and thought Varg (aka Count Grishnackh) wouldn’t make any worthy black metal had to swipe their ass cracks with their frosty axes when Burzum released its first post-prison album. Belus was not only the finest black metal album of the year, but also the best Burzum album (yeah, I hold it above Hvis Lyset Tar Oss) and, according to me, is the greatest black metal album ever. If you think there is a band that makes purer high-quality black metal better than Burzum, please visit the nearest doctor. If you think there is an album more perfect that Belus, here’s what you can do: take it and shake it. MAN.
DAVE MUSTAINE
Being a band that always took big steps is one of the many things Metallica prides itself on, but they unknowingly took their biggest step ever when they fired Dave Mustaine for his excessive drinking and violent behaviour. Correction: Metallica didn’t fire Dave Mustaine – they set him on fire. Mustaine was so pissed-off at being booted out of Metallica that he designed what is known as ‘the world’s state-of-the-art speed metal band’. That’s right, you fucks – he created Megadeth – the band which makes weaklings tremble and cower in fear. They not only played faster than Metallica, but also made some of the best music ever. In fact, they are the only band from ‘The Big Four of Thrash’ who can be taken as a real threat in this era. So what if his views of religion are the exact opposite of mine? The music fucking rules and nobody can take that away from the guy. Burning with jealousy, Dave Mustaine allowed his anger take Megadeth to great heights, and some would say he outdid Metallica. Did the man sit around whining after being dropped from Metallica? Yeah, he did – and he’s still whining about it, but any man who makes an album like Rust In Peace can whine as much as he wants. They don’t call him MegaDave for nothing. MAN.
As for the fifth alpha of alphas – well, I’ve already given you enough examples, so here’s the lesson: Whether hindrance comes in the form of imprisonment or a band member who wants to keep hopping, don’t let the music stop. Start over again and do everything right… the way it is meant to be done. Remove the trendcore poseur from the damned equation and blast the world with a lethal dose of real metal!
Those who’ve been complaining about the dearth of screams on Belus will perhaps be satisfied with Fallen. Varg Vikernes is not only screaming here; if his clean singing on Belus came as a surprise, the humming on Fallen may prove too shocking for some.
Compared to Belus (everything in black metal shall henceforth be compared to Belus), Fallen sounds far less intense and closer to early Burzum. The guitar tone is thinner and raw, and the drumming, for a change, isn’t minimal. The songs aren’t as woven into themselves as they are on Belus, and they aren’t trance-inducing either. Fallen is for those who liked/loved Burzum‘s early work, mainly because it has that kind of rawness and the typically chunky riffs and the excited black metal drumming.
But really, the humming makes Varg sound like a guy in love smelling a colourful flower thinking about his girl. Maybe Count Grishnackh composed it while taking a merry stroll in his favourite forest. Your first reaction to it may be ‘what-the-fuck-is-he-doing’, but later when you’re in the loo, that tune comes back to haunt you and doesn’t allow you to shit properly.
Before I turn into an asshole and tell you how the whole damned world can learn from Burzum about honour and integrity, let me play safe by merely stating that this man can single-handedly slap you all with several lessons in black metal aesthetics while having a lot of fun making albums like Fallen.
There will always be poseur bands making music for poseurs, and there will always be great bands creating true black metal art. And then there will always be one man who, by the very nature of his existence, keeps the fire burning.
ALBUM OF THE YEAR
Belus
There was never any doubt that Count Grishnackh’s glorious return would steal the thunder (and the lightning) from the lesser musicians of this world, but I decided to wait till now anyway, just to give everybody a fair shot. As we sat back in our chairs with one eye closed, wondering if the new music would live up to Burzum’s legacy or even be decent black metal, Varg Vikernes forced the stars and the planets into alignment with Kaimadalthas’ Nedstigning, and illuminated the universe with Keliohesten, making countless galaxies sway to the ambience he conjured with the intoxicating Belus’ Tilbakekomst, far surpassing everything he’d created before. Whether he makes another album or not doesn’t matter; “Belus” is proof that the man who made it is the greatest black metal musician of all time.
ANTHEM OF THE YEAR
Sau Rupiya
So we always knew that Ashwin-drummer-would-have-his-revenge-on-the-Bombay-rock-scene, but who’d have thought he’d do it this way? A song that begins with the chorus, has cheeky squeals and a glass breaking before The Riot Peddlers launch into a slamming attack on an already petrified world, “Sau Rupiya” is easily the catchiest, the most fun, and the most lovable song I’ve heard all year. And with the incorrigible Rishu Singh taking charge as manager, and frontman Arun S Ravi threatening to unleash an entire collection of such songs – yes, I was just getting to that – hide your moms. The band to watch out for in 2011.
FILM OF THE YEAR
Antardwand
Yes, there actually was one film worth watching in 2010. While the corporate superstars of the Hindi film industry were conning some of us into watching “socially relevant” films, there was a movie that came along without making announcements and hit me between the eyes. The story of a man being abducted and being forced to become a bridegroom in rural India – it’s not a slapstick comedy, stop laughing – with no song-and-dance, no big names, yet complete with good screenplay and terrific performances from everyone, “Antardwand” is one of the two or three movies that were worth checking out this year.
BEER OF THE YEAR
Fuller’s London Pride and Murphy’s Irish Stout
Of all the brew available at Living Liquidz, I’m picking two drinks as the best beers I’ve had this year, because they’re both excellent, and they’re both very different from each other, and I just can’t have enough of either. Be sure to pick up a crate of Fuller’s London Pride for a session or to have with something roasted, and Murphy’s Irish Stout when you feel like sitting back with a fucking cigar. These drinks are on the expensive side, but trust me when I say they’re absolutely worth it. And just try having a Kingfisher after downing a few of these.
WOMAN OF THE YEAR
Priyanka Chopra
She’s smoking hot, and I fucking love her.
Priyanka Chopra is an actress who keeps breaking out of her comfort zone every now and then, doesn’t act in inane comedies, has a great face and a terrific bod, doesn’t talk about her private life, is not a fake vegetarian, doesn’t look like Randhir Kapoor, can be described as sweet, sexy, hot, cute, pretty, gorgeous, seems totally unaffected by the box-office outcome of her films, and she has an ass like that.
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RESTAURANT OF THE YEAR
Urban Tadka
One of my all-time favourite restaurants – Urban Tadka is the place I run to when I’m not sure where to go. The rustic setting, the homely vibe, the amazing food, the perfect service – Urban Tadka is the restaurant that I’ve frequented the most over the last three years and not once have I been disappointed in the slightest. Far from it, Urban Tadka always manages to surprise me, and is the best place for meals with friends, lunch dates, dinners with the family, and hell, I even go there all by myself just because I love being there so much. I love it so much that I’m going to write a review for it next year after a few more visits to it. In the meantime, every other dhaba-like restaurant can pack up and take my leave, thank you!
MAN OF THE YEAR
Varg Vikernes
The prince returned after more than a decade in jail to claim what was rightfully his – the throne. Count Grishnackh has proved that the purest music can come only from the purest mind, with Belus being not only the most dazzling album from his discography, but also one of the most brilliant black metal albums of all time, not to mention the greatest comeback ever. The prince of black metal is now the king of black metal, enthroned for eternity, irrespective of whether he chooses to make another album or not. Paying no attention to all the pressure on him to make some music worthy of being placed next to his Burzum classics, Varg Vikernes quietly pushed forward the most epic comeback album ever. As for 2010 being the Year Of The Tiger – may the creator of the Chinese horoscope be trapped inside a burning church – 2010 is the Year Of The Wolf. JAI SHRI GRISHNACKH!!!
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Review: Belus
Year: “2010”
Artist: “Burzum”
Album: “Belus”
Genre: “Black Metal”
CREATOR
Black Metal has known no finer exponent than Burzum, no character more intriguing than Count Grishnackh. The composer of fine albums like Aske, Hvis Lyset Tar Oss, Filosofem and Hliðskjálf among others, Count Grishnackh’s odd behaviour fascinated me as much as his music. Burzum being a one-man project added greatly to his mystique, and all these factors led to Burzum becoming my all-time favourite Black Metal band.
DESTROYER
Sentenced to 21 years in prison for arson and the murder of Øystein Aarseth, Count Grishnackh’s racist ideologies got tremendous exposure thanks to the media which was and is as taken by the man as many of us are. As much as I love architecture, I have to say the thought of churches burning is exciting as hell. As much as I love Mayhem, I have to say Euronymous was replaceable (he was replaced, wasn’t he?) and Varg Vikernes is not. One of them had to die; better Euronymous than Grishnackh.
PRESERVER
Coming to the album at last, Belus is everything you expect and want the new Burzum record to be. Belus is very powerful music, a superb album from Burzum. The old bard picks up from where he left off, his sound and signature firmly in place, his trademark drumming and riffing keeping the pace steady and interesting throughout. Those who share my views on “pure music” will be satiated with what Count Grishnackh has done on Belus, meaning “The White God”. The essence of Burzum’s music is ever-present on Belus, and the purity of his sound intact. The man is feared, the band is here, the vision is clear. Black Metal has a white god – we know him as Varg.
Mehta Kya Kehta? 