An April Fool joke I played on my fellow metalheads last year turned on me this morning. It’s been a fortnight since I last smoked hash, and the clouds in my head cleared and presented my mind with a horrific nightmare.
I was chilling at Anjuna Beach, and Metallica was playing live. No, that’s not the nightmare! Listen on…
Imagine that – ‘Tallica playing live on Anjuna Beach in Goa, no less.
So, the legendary Metallica was on a tiny stage facing Curlie’s with their backs towards the sea. The Anjuna sea is gorgeous, but it was late in the evening and so, very dark.
The crowd was huddled together on the steps of Curlie’s, that infamous shack, but wasn’t like a Metallica audience in any way. No screaming, no headbanging, no cussing – just cheering and clapping between songs.
Then it hit me that Metallica had become so predictable – everyone had seen videos of their shows and everyone knew exactly what was going to happen when. I even knew at which point James Hetfield was going to exclaim, “J-yeah!”
Anyway, I wasn’t excited at all and started pacing up and down like I do all the time. Then I felt like taking a shit and found myself in a posh loo… naked. Just when I was about to let go of the unwanted, I heard the opening notes to Enter Sandman. Then it really hit me – the greatest band in the world was performing at Anjuna Beach in Goa to a select crowd, and there I was, taking a dump while they launched into the opening cut of the greatest heavy metal album ever.
Bas, that’s it – then I woke up feeling very ashamed of myself.
Even my nightmares are so classy that I feel like the protagonist of Satyajit Ray’s Nayak.
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