Movie Review: Cocktail (2012)

An exaggerated ass shake may have convinced you to go for the film, but Cocktail is a movie that doesn’t even start being fun. Deepika Padukone sashaying her way into nightclubs without being stopped can fool anyone into thinking they’re in for a party, and there end the good times. Veronica (Padukone, ‘Veeru-paaji’ to Saif Ali Khan) welcomes into her home and life the very desi Meera (newcomer Diana Penty), and Gautam (Khan) joins them soon enough. Having sex with Veronica, and not on very friendly terms with Meera, Gautam is played by Saif Ali Khan the way you’ve always seen him do it. Khan yet again plays the happy-go-lucky goofy yuppie who can charm the pants off most women.

Khan’s Gautam shows us that even the corniest of lines can work on the most stunning of women, while director Homi Adajania is out to show that he doesn’t know how to take the story where he wants. Cocktail moves at a tired pace, with Gautam’s mother (Dimple Kapadia) visiting her son to see the girl he has fallen for. Kapadia is the conservative mother, admonishing everyone in sight because there’s no other way such beings can be affectionate. A cross-dressed Saif Ali Khan presents fuckbuddy Deepika as a friend and the seedhi-saadi Diana Penty as his choice. The movie, which anyway wasn’t made to take cinema forward, tumbles terribly after that. The threesome go on a vacation with Dimple Kapadia, where Diana Penty and Saif Ali Khan fall for each other, and the promiscuous Deepika decides she wants to impress the old lady.

Cocktail, keeping in mind that it has no depth, should have at the very least been a breezy watch, but the writers (Imtiaz Ali and Sajid Ali) and Homi Adajania don’t know how to package melodrama. The movie rushes through the motions of every film that is made to appeal to youngsters and stretches like a bad dream during the dramatic moments. Add Pritam Chakraborty’s music to this mix and you have the soundtrack to a nightmare.

Cocktail is a concoction you should avoid unless you want to experience a three-hour hangover.

RATING: 1/5

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Beer Review: Budweiser Magnum

By Prayag Arora-Desai

Headsup, motherfuckers, Budweiser is taking over the world. Not content with selling just their standard grade, piss poor lager in India, they’ve now come out with this Budweiser Magnum to infiltrate the Indian strong beers market. Which means even Ramu kaka will now be ‘Grabbing some Buds’ instead of his usual Haywards 5000 or whatever beer it is that the Ramu kakas of our city drink. I wasn’t expecting much from this one, to be honest. I don’t like most Indian strong beers and I despise the Budweiser label with elitist passion. But for once, I’ll yield to the ‘largest beer company in the world’. Budweiser’s Magnum has taken me by surprise, and maybe companies like Haywards could really learn something about producing drinkable booze that contains more than 5% ABV. I don’t know whether it was my pour or the beer itself, but I hardly got any head on this. It pours an appetizingly golden straw, smells like barley and hops and tastes like hops and rice. Also, it is strong. I’d drink this again (I’m thinking with a plate of hot chicken curry) and so should you.

Rating: 3/5

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